А это из новенького
May. 2nd, 2005 01:03 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
ingwallTHE SMUGGLERS
by Edward Bagritzky
Abridged translation by Vadim Ingwall Baranovsky
Past fish and bright stars, in an ominous vessel
Greek smugglers are bringing their goods to Odessa.
They cling to the sideboard with great perseverance:
Yanaki, Stavraki and Papasotiris.
The wind is a-shouting, their mast is a-strumming,
The waves hit the vessel with sonorous drumming,
And flying white foam is so chillingly drenching!
Glorious venture! Most excellent venture!
O boat and sail! O the far Black Sea shore!
Thieves! Thieves galore!
11 PM is an hour of caution
For three Coast Guard's men on the turbulent ocean;
Half-dozen eyes that can see in the dark:
Half-dozen eyes and a small motor barque!
Hurry, Three Guardsmen, and start up the motor,
Throwing your boat to the infidel water!
The voice of the sea will be loud and wrenching:
Glorious venture! Most excellent venture!
O, starry midnight! The far Black Sea shore!
Thieves! Thieves galore!
O, how much I want to, with grace and panache
Hold on to the sideboard and twirl my mustache;
To sail past the stars with nefarious cargo,
Abusing my throat with rough criminal jargon,
And hear through the yells of the cold, bitter wind,
The motor-hum dirge of the Guard closing in...
Or else, better yet, with a gun in my fist
To follow some thief through the billowing mist,
To climb in his boat, and to find what I seek,
And come face-to-face with a murderous Greek!
So pound, my heart, on the ribs of your cage,
Let out my youth, and my joy, and my rage!
Let human blood fall like a meteor shower,
Let me strike the world as a spark strikes the powder!
The wild, reckless sea waves are singing along
As I twist my mouth with a villainous song
Of the Black Sea, the scary, the vast, the perplexing:
Glorious Black Sea! Magnificent Black Sea!
..Magnificent Black Sea!..
by Edward Bagritzky
Abridged translation by Vadim Ingwall Baranovsky
Past fish and bright stars, in an ominous vessel
Greek smugglers are bringing their goods to Odessa.
They cling to the sideboard with great perseverance:
Yanaki, Stavraki and Papasotiris.
The wind is a-shouting, their mast is a-strumming,
The waves hit the vessel with sonorous drumming,
And flying white foam is so chillingly drenching!
Glorious venture! Most excellent venture!
O boat and sail! O the far Black Sea shore!
Thieves! Thieves galore!
11 PM is an hour of caution
For three Coast Guard's men on the turbulent ocean;
Half-dozen eyes that can see in the dark:
Half-dozen eyes and a small motor barque!
Hurry, Three Guardsmen, and start up the motor,
Throwing your boat to the infidel water!
The voice of the sea will be loud and wrenching:
Glorious venture! Most excellent venture!
O, starry midnight! The far Black Sea shore!
Thieves! Thieves galore!
O, how much I want to, with grace and panache
Hold on to the sideboard and twirl my mustache;
To sail past the stars with nefarious cargo,
Abusing my throat with rough criminal jargon,
And hear through the yells of the cold, bitter wind,
The motor-hum dirge of the Guard closing in...
Or else, better yet, with a gun in my fist
To follow some thief through the billowing mist,
To climb in his boat, and to find what I seek,
And come face-to-face with a murderous Greek!
So pound, my heart, on the ribs of your cage,
Let out my youth, and my joy, and my rage!
Let human blood fall like a meteor shower,
Let me strike the world as a spark strikes the powder!
The wild, reckless sea waves are singing along
As I twist my mouth with a villainous song
Of the Black Sea, the scary, the vast, the perplexing:
Glorious Black Sea! Magnificent Black Sea!
..Magnificent Black Sea!..
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2005-05-02 07:27 pm (UTC)Именно поэтому есть придирки:
Glorious venture! Spectacular venture! - это что-то из области Фродо, hardly Черное Море, Хорошее море.
Ты переводишь "голос ломать черноморским жаргоном" как Abusing my throat with some criminal jargon - теряется весь эффект присутствия. такое ощущение, что автору все равно, в общем, жаргон ли это контрабандистов, феня или арго.
no subject
Date: 2005-05-02 07:56 pm (UTC)Про жаргон надо подумать. Я вообще-то имел в виду "некоторое количество жаргона".
no subject
Date: 2005-05-02 08:04 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-05-02 08:18 pm (UTC)Coarse - да, так лучше.
"Abusing my throat with coarse criminal jargon"
У него "Голос ломать"
Ты специально меняешь?
Как "Harrassing my voice with the smugglers' coarse jargon"
no subject
Date: 2005-05-02 11:07 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-05-03 01:41 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-05-03 04:29 am (UTC)Багрицкий не пафосен. Так как раз довольно сдержанно: "Черное море, хорошее море", не более того.
no subject
Date: 2005-05-03 05:20 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-05-03 03:25 pm (UTC)Пафос это когда вещам приписывают несуществующие возвеличивающие черты, сказала змея:). Пафос это что-то вроде "раз дожить не успел так хотя бы допеть" - Багрицкий, мне кажется, выражается в основном по делу.
Ингвалл, а ты что скажешь? Пафосно?
no subject
Date: 2005-05-03 03:39 pm (UTC)А во-вторых, пафос, согласно словарю - это
3) Идейно-эмоциональная настроенность художественного произведения или всего творчества.
4) В общеупотребительном смысле - приподнятое и восторженное состояние человеческого духа., так что про "несуществующие черты" ты неправа. Тут как раз сплошная восторженность.
no subject
Date: 2005-05-03 04:31 am (UTC)Excellent - более равнодушный синоним, оставь так. ТОде нормально
no subject
Date: 2005-05-03 10:42 am (UTC)