А это из новенького
May. 2nd, 2005 01:03 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
ingwallTHE SMUGGLERS
by Edward Bagritzky
Abridged translation by Vadim Ingwall Baranovsky
Past fish and bright stars, in an ominous vessel
Greek smugglers are bringing their goods to Odessa.
They cling to the sideboard with great perseverance:
Yanaki, Stavraki and Papasotiris.
The wind is a-shouting, their mast is a-strumming,
The waves hit the vessel with sonorous drumming,
And flying white foam is so chillingly drenching!
Glorious venture! Most excellent venture!
O boat and sail! O the far Black Sea shore!
Thieves! Thieves galore!
11 PM is an hour of caution
For three Coast Guard's men on the turbulent ocean;
Half-dozen eyes that can see in the dark:
Half-dozen eyes and a small motor barque!
Hurry, Three Guardsmen, and start up the motor,
Throwing your boat to the infidel water!
The voice of the sea will be loud and wrenching:
Glorious venture! Most excellent venture!
O, starry midnight! The far Black Sea shore!
Thieves! Thieves galore!
O, how much I want to, with grace and panache
Hold on to the sideboard and twirl my mustache;
To sail past the stars with nefarious cargo,
Abusing my throat with rough criminal jargon,
And hear through the yells of the cold, bitter wind,
The motor-hum dirge of the Guard closing in...
Or else, better yet, with a gun in my fist
To follow some thief through the billowing mist,
To climb in his boat, and to find what I seek,
And come face-to-face with a murderous Greek!
So pound, my heart, on the ribs of your cage,
Let out my youth, and my joy, and my rage!
Let human blood fall like a meteor shower,
Let me strike the world as a spark strikes the powder!
The wild, reckless sea waves are singing along
As I twist my mouth with a villainous song
Of the Black Sea, the scary, the vast, the perplexing:
Glorious Black Sea! Magnificent Black Sea!
..Magnificent Black Sea!..
by Edward Bagritzky
Abridged translation by Vadim Ingwall Baranovsky
Past fish and bright stars, in an ominous vessel
Greek smugglers are bringing their goods to Odessa.
They cling to the sideboard with great perseverance:
Yanaki, Stavraki and Papasotiris.
The wind is a-shouting, their mast is a-strumming,
The waves hit the vessel with sonorous drumming,
And flying white foam is so chillingly drenching!
Glorious venture! Most excellent venture!
O boat and sail! O the far Black Sea shore!
Thieves! Thieves galore!
11 PM is an hour of caution
For three Coast Guard's men on the turbulent ocean;
Half-dozen eyes that can see in the dark:
Half-dozen eyes and a small motor barque!
Hurry, Three Guardsmen, and start up the motor,
Throwing your boat to the infidel water!
The voice of the sea will be loud and wrenching:
Glorious venture! Most excellent venture!
O, starry midnight! The far Black Sea shore!
Thieves! Thieves galore!
O, how much I want to, with grace and panache
Hold on to the sideboard and twirl my mustache;
To sail past the stars with nefarious cargo,
Abusing my throat with rough criminal jargon,
And hear through the yells of the cold, bitter wind,
The motor-hum dirge of the Guard closing in...
Or else, better yet, with a gun in my fist
To follow some thief through the billowing mist,
To climb in his boat, and to find what I seek,
And come face-to-face with a murderous Greek!
So pound, my heart, on the ribs of your cage,
Let out my youth, and my joy, and my rage!
Let human blood fall like a meteor shower,
Let me strike the world as a spark strikes the powder!
The wild, reckless sea waves are singing along
As I twist my mouth with a villainous song
Of the Black Sea, the scary, the vast, the perplexing:
Glorious Black Sea! Magnificent Black Sea!
..Magnificent Black Sea!..
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no subject
Date: 2005-05-02 06:56 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-05-02 07:16 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-05-02 07:27 pm (UTC)Two nasty nitpicky remarks:
1) In the penultimate line - better "Of the Black Sea, the scary, the vast, the perplexing": doesn't spoil the meter, better grammar.
2) The third Greek's name should be spelled Papasotiris. It's an actual last name, derived indeed from "papa(s) Sotiris" - "a priest (whose first name is) Sotiris"; the latter name, in turn, means "Savior", and is identical to the Classical Greek name Soter (as in "Ptolemy Soter"). This "Soter" iz the final Σ in "Ichthyos", the real reason why early Christians used a fish as a symbol/mascot.
Again: a great, fabulous translation!
no subject
Date: 2005-05-02 07:27 pm (UTC)Именно поэтому есть придирки:
Glorious venture! Spectacular venture! - это что-то из области Фродо, hardly Черное Море, Хорошее море.
Ты переводишь "голос ломать черноморским жаргоном" как Abusing my throat with some criminal jargon - теряется весь эффект присутствия. такое ощущение, что автору все равно, в общем, жаргон ли это контрабандистов, феня или арго.
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Date: 2005-05-02 07:29 pm (UTC)They cling to the sideboard with great perseverance:
Yanaki, Stavraki and Papa Satyros.
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From:Re: nifiga
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Date: 2005-05-02 07:54 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-05-02 08:15 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-05-02 11:53 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-05-03 03:52 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-05-03 04:07 am (UTC)А действительно -
Date: 2005-05-03 07:49 am (UTC)И не очень мне как-то это spectacular. Magnificent?
А в остальном - высокий класс! Glorious poem, magnificent poem!
С уважением,
Антрекот
Re: А действительно -
From:Re: А действительно -
From:no subject
Date: 2005-05-03 10:41 am (UTC)imena
Date: 2005-05-03 12:32 pm (UTC)Re: imena
From:Re: imena
From:Re: imena
From:no subject
Date: 2005-05-03 02:22 pm (UTC)(no subject)
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From:Великолепно!
Date: 2005-05-03 06:58 pm (UTC)Спасибо за перевод. Адекватно перевести такое стихотворение, на мой взгляд, практически невозможно - и мне остаётся только удивляться, что Вам это удалось.
Хочу сделать пару уточнений - вдруг Вам пригодятся. Во-первых не стОит ли заменить "small motor barque" на "fast motor barque"? Тут ведь не в размере дело, а в том, что если будет погоня - у контрабандистов нет шанса уйти от мотора.
И второе, сложнее - неопределённый артикль перед "a murderous Greek". Меня всегда поражало, как в середине этой строфы происходит переворот, и в её конце автор оказывается лицом к лицу с тем самым греком, которым он был в её начале (дважды пережив накал ситуации). Неопределённый артикль это рушит. А что сделать, увы, не знаю. Может быть "that murderous Greek"?
Re: Великолепно!
From:no subject
Date: 2005-05-03 09:14 pm (UTC)Sir Galakhad was speechless.
no subject
Date: 2005-05-04 08:23 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-05-04 10:26 am (UTC)(no subject)
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Date: 2005-05-04 10:27 am (UTC)(no subject)
From:no subject
Date: 2005-05-04 10:40 am (UTC)Два слова рядом, где ради размера пропущен звук - имхо, делает строку ломающей язык скороговоркой. thro-at, co-arse. А у тебя throt, corse. Если бы одно из двух - то вполне допускается, и даже частотное явление. А два сразу - тяжело произносить.
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Date: 2005-05-04 11:35 am (UTC)pridirka
Date: 2005-05-04 07:07 pm (UTC)>Or else, _better yet_, with a gun in my fist
perevod narushaet nejtralitet, staratel'no oberegaemyj originalom :)
mozhet, "Or better, perhaps, with a gun in my fist..."
Re: pridirka
From:no subject
Date: 2005-05-07 02:28 am (UTC)Фильмы
Date: 2007-06-18 07:18 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-12-22 05:37 pm (UTC)